Merry Christmas 2016

Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! And all the other ways of saying Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! 

This part of the year is not a very exciting time of the year because I'm not near all of my family and friends but it makes me happy because I know that a new year is coming soon. 2016 has been by far one of the worst years in my life. 

Any way I wish everyone a great Christmas and I hope you have a wonderful New Year! 

Para-noir - Marilyn Manson

https://youtu.be/g1_0T--1eZE

ONE WING IN THE FIRE

I didn't realize how long it had been since I even posted a music video or anything on here. I swore that I'd keep up with "I'm Okay Alright!", but I do have my reasons. I have medical problems and I've been going back and forth between hospitals to adjust medication. I've also been getting different doctors opinions an an implant. That is the main reason why I have been gone. 
 Last weekend, I lost my Great Grandfather on my mothers side of the family. This has caused a lot of sadness and brought my depression back out 10x worse. Seeing your mother and family members hurting, is tragic itself. I'm just happy to know that he is no longer suffering. Being in the hospital and seeing a machine take his breaths for him; I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. I did however leave the hospital that night with my cousin Justin and two of his children after being there for around 5 hours after driving with my mom 8 hours to see him. Thinking he had time to live. We were told he had atleast 3 months to live. As we were driving, we got a phone call saying he would maybe make it a week. As I said, we drove in and went straight to see him. My mom felt horrible because she hasn't seen him in awhile because we live 10 hours away not 30 minutes. She felt bad for not being able to see him before he was sick. I saw him in the room and it was heartbreaking but I told mom, that I'd be her support system because my father didn't want to be there. So for 5 hours, I dealt with tears of sadness and crocodile tears in the family from different members. After they left, it was my mom, my cousin Jessi, her husband Justin (cousin by marriage) and my great aunt and uncle. My mom and Jessi told Justin and I that they knew he wasn't going to make it through the night. Told us that if we wanted to go grab some food and go to sleep that's fine. It was late but I wanted to be there for my mom and Jessi. She told me her and Jessi would be fine with each other etc so Justin and I left with the kids. About an hour later, 20 minutes after midnight, he took his last breath and he's no longer suffering. 

These photos were taken 4 days before he passed away. He was coherent with everyone and was talking and eating. He finally got to see and meet baby Delilah (Jessi and Justin's newest addition to the family).  

These photos of my family and Great Grandpa are from almost two years ago. He was happy, and healthy. Just how I want to remember him. These were taken before I moved out of state with my family at his 80th birthday. Everyone was there. All of these photos will be treasured and loved deeply.

My momma claims this song reminds her of Great Grandpa Miller. Although I'm not a country music fan, after listening to it multiple times and thinking back as far as I can and remembering stories....I couldn't agree with her more. 


RIP <3 

https://youtu.be/_4yzuxEWPJ8

 If anyone does read these, thank you. Anyway, I hope everyone has a great Holiday and New Year! 

Long Distance?

A long distance relationship...
Tough or not? The one person I actually care about, and have developed feelings for, lives back in Wisconsin...I don't miss Wisconsin at all, but I do miss said person. He talks about a relationship with me almost every time we talk. He says the only thing is the distance, but also says that he would have no problem coming out here to see me. He also said he wants to take me back to Wisconsin. I said that I would but because of the seizures and the frequent doctor visits, it'd be complicated. And he says that it wouldn't because he would still love me and take care of me.... I don't want a babysitter. I feel like everyone thinks of me as someone to babysit. I don't like that feeling.
Anywho, I think running a blog is going to be fun.
I hate how October is almost over. My favorite month has flown by.

Developing Self Confidence

I've always had terrible self confidence. As far back as I can remember, I always looked down on myself. It wasn't really until the last 5-6 months that I have somewhat developed more confidence in myself. I'm not as big as I used to be (150 pounds is apparently big nowadays) and I have grown into myself more. I still suffer with seizures. The epilepsy has been a big contributor to my pretty much non-existent confidence. I always consider myself a burden on my family and even my friends because when we're out and about, they have to watch me. They pretty much have to be my babysitter in case I were to seize out in public. I've been doing makeup tutorials on my personal Facebook and it's pretty neat. Mainly because I've been asked about how I do my makeup and what I use. I've even been asked, more like requested to do said tutorials. And for some odd reason, it makes me feel good about myself.
 I also truly believe that a certain lipstick 💄 can make you feel amazing and boost your confidence! My personal favorite lipstick is Kat Von D 's "Poe"! It's a shade of blue that's pretty much almost black, but it's beautiful. I love how it's gothic, edgie and sexy all at the same time. I'm really hoping that within the next couple of months, that I'll have a lot more confidence in myself and not have to worry about how I look or how I feel. Here's to hoping🍻

I The Mighty - Lady Of Death

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtFdQzv_Xc4

The Purpose

I decided to start a "blog" because after a while, concealing how you really feel, gets tiring. It's not easy being sick. Or even participating in daily activities. Hopefully this page will bring some people like me, around and we'll all know that we are not alone and that it isn't the end of the world.
If you're reading, thank you <3